Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
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