My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
Randomize
