I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
10+ Incredible Tumblr Stories That Will Leave You Shook
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
16 People Who Have Raised The Bar For Petty Revenge
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.