So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
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I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
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I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins