About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people