Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
21 Porn Stars Confess What Sex Is Really Like On Set
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
19 People That Found Pubes In All The Wrong Places
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.