dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
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If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
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I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks