bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
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So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
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I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
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I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.