if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom