Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.