I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
The Internet Is Obsessed With This Stripper Who Dropped It Low Just To Eat A Slice Of Pizza
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.