Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
Apple has a Lot to Explain to iPhone X Customers
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
People Asked The Internet Questions About their Private Parts And The Results Are Hilarious
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect