Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
23 People Noticed Deal Breakers in Their Partner A Little Too Late
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
23 Millennials Confess The Things They Wish They Weren’t Attracted To
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM