I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
These 25 People Are Obsessed With Pizza
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
16 Sexual Experiences EVERYONE Should Have At Least Once
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll