i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
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