i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
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High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
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I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
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