I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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