my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
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