if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
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