was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
