It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
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