I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
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I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
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I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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