What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
Too much gin, very little bucket
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
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