I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
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