I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
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