in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
