I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
