I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
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