That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
23 Men Confess The Moment They Realized They Wanted A Divorce
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
The 23 Most Inappropriate Things To Happen At A Funeral
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.