she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
Randomize