I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
I love having hate sex.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
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you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
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Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.