Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
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Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
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I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks