he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
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It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
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This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.