ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third