OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings