I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?