Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
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Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
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Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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