So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
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She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
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