i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
