I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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