The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
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