the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please