Whatcha textin bout Willis?
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
29 Petty People Reveal The Shallow Reasons They Turned Someone Down
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now