my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
25 People Didn’t Realize They Were Talking To Someone Famous
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
I think I sprained my soul last night
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
21 People Tragically Stumbled Upon A Dead Body
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.