Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
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