you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
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Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
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Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
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