dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
