i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
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