thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
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