i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
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