I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Randomize