someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
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