K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
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the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
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