I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
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