You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
