just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
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