I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
COCAINE IS GR8
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
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