i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
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