i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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