btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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