the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
