I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
I use my feet as sexual weapons
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
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