Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
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