Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
