Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
