That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
Actions speak louder than pants.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
Randomize
