fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
Randomize